2:00am

Yep, it is that time it is my neck of the woods:) Oh how I wish I could sleep. Thirty-three weeks pregnant and I am as big if not bigger than I was when I delivered Kiera at thirty-seven weeks. I toss and turn feeling physically uncomfortable only to be completely awoken by my thoughts. When I am the slightest uncomfortable they seem to be at their loudest. Lord only knows what my thoughts and I will speak about as their is so much in life that can only be thought of due to lack of listeners or the fact that some things should not be said out loud. I am learning this since finding Danny. Not that I cannot say anything that comes to mind to him personally, afterall he is my best friend but in other situations we must choose our battles. There is a time to speak and a time to be silent, it has taken me a while to understand the silent part. I have seen that sometimes are best moments are in silence, we learn to listen around us and not just to our own voice. It makes for a very interesting growing experience I must say that.

On a different note I will pick up Skylar tomorrow and though it may seem trivial to some to post everytime she leaves and comes home she is a thought on my mind constantly. It is so difficult to be a step-parent. I love her so much, she is my best friend as well as my daughter. Every moment she is away I spend it thinking of her. I wish daily to be close to her side, she is growing up so fast and it is hard that we miss so much. My prayer is that I continue as step-mother to show her nothing less than the full amount of love I have for her. I never want her to feel insecure or unsure about my role in her life. I am not her mother and I do understand and accept that, but I do want her to feel that she has a place in my life no matter what comes our way. Right now she calls me 'mom,' ten years from now it may be 'Kena' the name I have is of no concern to me, but the friendship we have together and the moments any mother/daughter have I pray she knows and grows up knowing that I will always have her back. There is a seperation between step and bio parent, I will be the first to admit this but it is how much of a seperation you have that makes a world of difference.

 For Skylar: " I will, if you choose, to be standing next to you as you are given any award during your time at school, when you graduate and take that diploma into your hands, when you announce your engagment and when you walk down the aisle. These moments, these happenings in your life among the many others not mentioned are times that I promise as a parent, your step or not that I will be there. I love you with all my heart and as your mother do not ever feel like you have let me down. There may come a time in your life when you feel you do not need me or maybe you do not even want me, but I will always be around for you to come back to. You are a part of my world, when I said 'I do' to your daddy I also said it to you. Just remember that blood or no blood I am here by your side. I love you kid and please do not ever forget it"

Life can be crazy sometimes and yet here we are going along with it the best we know how. I cannot say enough times how blessed I am to have such an amazing husband and two (soon to be three) beautiful girls.